Sam left. I went to Cookie’s brithday on Friday. Saturday was with the girls and Sunday was the Christening. I was verry antsy to get back to Cebu despite all those activities. It’s no fun without Sam. And I can’t wait to see him again.
On Monday morning, mom took me to the terminal and I cannot contain my excitement. I kissed mom hurriedly on the cheek and boarded the huge boat. Looking around in the labyrinth of bunks, I settled into a nice bed in the corner, dropped my bags and looked for the prayer room.
The prayer room was located at the top floor. I sat down on the front pew and prayed. What did I pray for..?
Guide me. I am hardly a good judge of character. I think all people are good. I’ve recently discovered that no matter how people are good on the outside, they still have black hearts. It has happened on several occasions that people have disappointed me and I have no one to blame but myself because I have given myself reason to believe that these people are real, sincere and true.
But he is different. He lies. He cheats. And he tells me he is no good. That is supposed to be good, right?
Lord.. how can a heart that is so black.. so black that it breaks other women’s heart… could also turn out to have golden highlights… how can that heart… which I know will definitely break mine .. can be so kind to other people.. so warm and sincere.. and definitely misunderstood also.
Just misunderstood. People expect him to lie. Live up to their expectations then.
Then I started crying. Tears were flowing freely. Sam is at the same time on his way to Cagayan de Oro. He just texted. Our boats will meet somewhere in the ocean… teasing us.. making us realize the gravity of the situation. On any other circumstances, I would have laughed it out.. I would have thought that this was fate’s sense of humor and to not laugh would be to insult it. And yes I did laugh. I laughed while crying. This is ridiculous. It’s not like I’m not gonna see him anymore.
Except that that was the first thing that came to my head. That the minute he’ll be in Cebu, he will be heading straight to Bangkok and out of my life. He will never come back. I cried more because maybe this is the time … in front of these saints.. that I will condition myself that we will never be together.
Then I took out a fresh leaf from one of my stationaries. And started to write.