I think I was brave. I think what I did was brave. I kept mum about it to Xenia who keeps on going, “Leave him. He doesn’t know what to value in his life.” Yes, Xenia who has just broken up with her boyfriend of nine years and swore to herself that she will be single forever. Somehow, listening to her was like listening to a man who suffers from misogyny – only this time, our misogynist hates Men.
“Fight for it, tell him you love him,” says Tina. “He is weak at this time, he will have a hard time making a decision that’s why you have to help him.” Can’t he decide for himself or does he need to see his ex-girlfriend’s friendster who is posing online on a tank top and curled hair with a caption that says, “You can have all of me or nothing.”
I though the primary pic was hilarious. But the first photo she posed that had her and Sam at a restaurant smiling was revolting. One, Sam was wearing a shirt that was in my clothes bin. Second, her caption read, “Bunnie and Hubbie.” Then I thought to myself, “Poor girl. She must be really upset to put herself to all that stress. So I retaliated by putting a pic of me and Sam, kissing.” Take that? Okay, okay. Very juvenile.
But I reacted on impulse and broke it off – an act that he was willing to accept lightly?
I said, “I took off your photos so that she won’t be heartbroken. See you in five years?”
And I broke down. I was alone in my cousin’s home and not even the free Wifi can cheer me up. I was sobbing in front of the laptop.
I know it was so unlike me to fight back and out of character even if I listened to Xenia and turned my back against him. I did what I felt was right.
“I’m hurt because I love you.’
A first. The three unspoken words.
“Please come home. To me. Not to anyone else. Just.”
It took me three days to send it but it was worth it. I felt brave and even though I know he won’t be on his way anytime back to me, I stopped the wonder of questioning myself the hateful “What if?”. I had nothing to lose. I wouldn’t have given up, unless there was clear evidence that it was worth it to let go.
If that was courage, I could face almost anything. Year 2012? Last month, it was two weeks. Five years. In his lifetime. There must be something wrong with him.