I am working and I am in my station.
Its freezing cold in here.
What’s on my station are my native bag from somewhere, my compact, my blue crystal comb, my Starbucks planner, and my dog pen – and no, they cannot save my life from frostbite. I am trying to come up with plans for the next few weeks and I have been staring at the same page for almost an hour now. The reason why I am never good with planners because I hardly plan at all.
High school was the stage where colorful organizers were so trendy you are so out of it if you don’t have at least a furry cover that has dates on them or a pastel colored binder. But I loved my organizer because it was full of life! I dressed it up with so many stickers, pictures, posts it and colored notes on it it was so thick it was bulging out from my bag every time I took it out. Think scrapbook. I placed it on my school desk one time and my professor, Mr. Larry Mariano thought it was probably an eye sore to have something that thick in front of him that he went,
“Miss R**, what is that?”
“My organizer, sir.”
“Can I see it?” he extended his hand so i can give it to him and i was almost freaking out because there were a lot of sex, fuck, and everything else that might trigger a heart attack from a 50 year-old teacher written there. He did so much as glance at it when he gave it back right away. He faced the class and said,
“Everybody, you have just witnessed something that shouldn’t be done to your organizer. Disorganize it.”
— Haha to him. That planner is already close to a diary because I don’t record future plans but the things that happened the day before. I just don’t see the logic of writing something that has to be done but clearly wasn’t completed by the time the day ended. People keep on changing their minds. People just put off a lot of things which is why is a waste of ink if I write something down when I know for certain that there is a fifty percent chance that its never going to happen. It’s not about spontaneity or living life at the moment. It is about me not having a direction at all and boy, it feels liberating to say that out loud. Hmm.
I write reminders – not plans. I write on this Expedia.com post it the list of things that I need to BUY or DO. But it doesn’t resemble a planner at all because they are just scroll-downs. Maybe I should go work on that. Maybe its time I decide to plan. Shoot.
Drama heavy enough to the Bold and The Beautiful.