Today is Valentines Day.
Sam greeted me Happy Monthsary despite being pissed off by the latest blog about Valentines, about how I hated the practice because for six years I have been totally into Valentines. It was an ex boyfriend thing. Sam doesn’t know. He never gets it.
I had been totally excited about Valentines. Because of him. Unfortunately, he is in Cagayan de Oro, how else would I be excited about something that I know I wouldn’t get to see? I’m not going to be celebrating it anyway, so I ranted on my blog that I’m happy that I’m not pressured for Valentines this year because I was tired of all that brouhaha.
I know that ticked him off. Or I was just assuming. He must have been thinking I was so full of hearts – that I am singing praises of my love for him at my blog just because right now, I have a boyfriend. But no.
That was me, being bitter, being lonely that he can’t be with me. And he knows that or he just doesn’t get it.
Why do I have the feeling that we have been reading each other’s minds like we have been together for 30 years, not 30 days?
I don’t know how to spend Valentines this year. Last year, my dad would be pressured – yes, he’s the one pressured – to come up with a restaurant to dine in to and buy flowers for all his girls: us. This year, I was thinking of just rounding up my girlfriends and having dinner at some fancy place. Sad. Its a mere pretense of what we could never have. Sam told me that he feels my loneliness and it pains him. What else could we do? We are oceans apart – one 8hr boat ride away, one 1hour plane ride, and several radioactive waves.
And he is just making it worse. He hardly text. A poem here, a mere reference of something I said in my blog, a mere criticism of something that relates to us, a romantic one liner – whatever. That’s hardly a text message. Unconventional. The worst part? Ahlavet! I love it for the reason that he’s not the typical boyfriend who texts, “Where are you,” or, “Why aren’t you home yet?, or the typical, “I’ll wait till you get home.”
I hate that he treats me like one of his nieces. “Get up, brush your teeth” or, “Hun, close the door, lock it.” Come to think of it, he does order me around. But why not? He is older. But that doesn’t mean he can just do that, can he?
This is just the thing with him. Just because he is fourteen years older doesn’t give him the liberty to make mistakes and not be chastised. He once told me that I have the license to make judgment flaws since I am young. Does being with him count as one?
No, no. Hahahah. Of course not. He’d flipped at the thought.
I’ve never regretted having met him.
“You are perfect the way I found you.”
He is perfect the way I found him. The only regret I probably could come up was that if only I was born ten years earlier. Or I wish I could have met him earlier. Which is better?Sigh. There is never a right time for everything. It’s just how you make of that wrong time to make it right.
When am I getting down from Cloud 9?